whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I cannot find my penis.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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