Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
