I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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