If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
