I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
