im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
