nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
