the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
