Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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