What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
