i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
