did you get engaged???
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
