my vag is so smooth its legendary
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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