True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I cut my penus on the lid.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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