I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
