On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
