do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
