apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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