So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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