is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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