He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
