I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
