and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
