is your mom at the bar?
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
