i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
