so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
