why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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