i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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