all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
