I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Randomize
