Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize