I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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