I will die if light touches me.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
