Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
