Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
