So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
He told me they were just razor bumps!
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Randomize
