Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
