Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
