Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
