I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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