I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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