my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Just cropdusted the office
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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