I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
