I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
