It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize