There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
