Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
