a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
