We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
