dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
