and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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