I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize