he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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