I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
