Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
