Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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