He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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