I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
