I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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