I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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