The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
