its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
