Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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