you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
